Those 30 and older can find love by getting out there

By Emily Berry
Anderson Independent-Mail
June 1, 2005

Whether at a pub or in a pew, finding love in Anderson isn't as hard as it might seem.

It's true even for folks who can clearly recall the Reagan Administration and remember life before everyone had a DVD player and a computer at home.

There are more than 54,000 single, divorced, widowed or separated adults living in Anderson County by the last census count in 2000. That number includes a lot of people who are 35 and older - no longer kids, but with the time and desire for companionship.

Anderson, like any town, can be stiflingly boring for a single person, or a friendly, fun-filled town, depending on whom you ask.

Sylvia Lollis, 56, lost her husband two years ago, and said she was worried when she first started to emerge from grief that she wouldn't be able to meet anyone her age.

"I was quite surprised really there were that many people my age in Anderson, because I was thinking, 'There's not going to be anyone in their 50s.' Unfortunately so many other people have lost their mates through cancer or some other disease that there are lots of people out there," she said.

Ms. Lollis has been successful in dating and in having a good time as a single person. She tested the waters by first joining a Greenville-based matchmaking service, but she said in her experience, the best place to meet people was through friends.

She has joined the Electric City Shag Club and regularly goes to Andrew's Private Club to dance and hang out with friends.

"I guess, to me, I've been very lucky to meet really nice professional people who have the same interests and goals in life," she said.

Like his fellow Shag club member, golf pro Dick Byrd, 69, has enjoyed singlehood in Anderson. He moved here in 2001 from Ohio and shortly thereafter was divorced. Since becoming a bachelor, he has been enjoying a lot of time in the company of women.

"There seems to be a lot of single ladies here," he said. Like Ms. Lollis, he described himself as outgoing, and said he had no trouble meeting other single people his age.

"I think it's pretty easy to be single here. It's kind of what you make of it," he said.

Not everyone finds it quite so simple.

Michele Copeland, 33, lives in Pelzer and works in Greenville. She finds herself heading to Greenville with girlfriends when she does have the time to be social, but that is not all that often, since she is caring for her 4-year-old daughter as a single mother.

Her priorities and needs are different now because of being a single mother, and because she no longer has the time or energy to stay up all night partying.

"Once you get older, 9 o'clock, you're ready to go to bed," she said.

She said she'd like to meet a nice, Christian man who would help raise her daughter and wants to have more children. That hasn't been easy, she said.

"There's not much to do in Anderson," she said. "Most of my friends are not single. It's kind of hard me being the only one."

Ms. Copeland said she won't consider going online to try to find someone to date.

"I just heard too many horror stories," she said.

Her hesitancy was echoed by other singles who said they prefer to meet people at a bar or restaurant rather than over the Web, which can cloak a person's true personality.

Dixie Benca, owner of McGee's Irish Pub, has watched several couples meet at her pub and eventually marry. She said the informal yet safe environment of a bar like McGee's is preferable to a lot of people to trying to reach out to strangers online.

Steve Patterson, a single man who is also owner of Andrew's Private club, agreed. He said he has no worries about the Web taking a bite out of his business.

"The Internet is changing things, but people still like to meet on neutral ground, and meeting somebody to have a drink is probably safest for both parties," he said.

Both he and Mrs. Benca said they believe there's opportunity in Anderson to meet people, even if it takes initiative.

"Anderson is a well-rounded town now. There are lots of things to do with recreational areas, we have clubs to go to," Mr. Patterson said. "Anderson's a good place to be a single person. But you have to work at it a little."

For those overwhelmed by the prospect of meeting strangers and screening potential dates, the Web can be a safer, if initially anonymous, place to start. Some Web sites have succeeded in getting past the perception that the Internet is a dangerous place to meet people.

Popular online dating service eHarmony, created by psychologist Neil Warren, matches people based on an extensive profile that purports to match people based on core values.

There are 80,000 eHarmony members in South Carolina, and 40,000 in the Designated Media Area that includes Asheville, Spartanburg, Greenville and Anderson, company Senior Vice President Marylyn Warren said.

Most of the site's members are between the ages of 25 and 45, she said, but eHarmony tries to cater to all age groups with the same principle of matching based on values.

"Those of us who are older, no one ever gave us any kind of guidance as we were reaching the age that we might consider marrying. It's nice to have some guidelines instead of just, 'if you've got a tickle in your tummy and you really like the guy,'" she said.

The same thing applies when it comes to meeting outside of cyberspace.

The search for other singles with common values often leads singles to look around their congregation for love, or to stumble upon it there. Anderson's churches are no exception, and in many cases, pastors are glad to see it happen.

"I've read the statistics. A lot of people think the number one place to meet somebody would be a bar. I happen to think the benefit to when you meet somebody at church, you're going to have the same convictions and similar values," New Spring Community Church pastor Perry Noble said.

With the right mindset and an open mind, it's very possible to find love in the Electric City and beyond.

That's proven true for Mary McCormac. After her fiance died last year, she had a hard time entering single life again.

"Now it's a lot better. At first, it's really weird. It's really strange," she said. "People look at you like they're afraid to talk to you."

Now she relies on her friends to help her find men to date, because they know her best.

Like Sylvia Lollis, Ms. McCormac is settling into a happy single life after an abrupt and painful entrance.

"People in Anderson really are just good as gold," Ms. Lollis said. " They want to see you be successful and be happy and have that companionship."

Copyright 2005, Anderson Independent Mail. All Rights Reserved.