eHarmony: Online dating service adheres to founder's moral values

May 29, 2005

By Janet Kornblum

Gannett News Service

PASADENA, Calif. -- You've no doubt seen Neil Clark Warren on TV commercials: He's the affable, silver-haired gentleman touting eHarmony, the rapidly growing online dating site he founded five years ago. Or maybe you caught "Saturday Night Live" or Jay Leno spoofing his earnest manner and "29 dimensions of compatibility."

"He's like the grandpa who wants to set you up," says Nate Elliott, an online media analyst with Jupiter Research.

Warren, 70, really is a grandpa. Born on an Iowa farm, he's quick with a down-home hug and a smile. His pale blue eyes grow misty when he speaks of his love for his wife of 46 years, Marylyn, the senior vice president at eHarmony.

And he really does want to set you up -- but only if you're emotionally healthy, heterosexual and want to get married.

A psychologist with a divinity degree, Warren has emerged from the Christian community -- three of his 10 books on love and dating were published by conservative Focus on the Family -- to become one of the Internet's most unlikely entrepreneurs.

His secular matchmaking service has grown into the fourth-largest dating site on the Web, behind Match.com, Yahoo and Spark Networks, according to Internet measurement company comScore Media Metrix. Later this summer he plans to announce an online service aimed at assessing and improving marriages.

Warren started out marketing primarily to Christian sites, touting eHarmony as "based on the Christian principles of Focus on the Family author Dr. Neil Clark Warren."

The connection may come as a surprise to today's mainstream users: Nothing in Warren's TV or radio ads ($50 million spent last year, $80 million projected this year) hints at his Christian background.

And while it's no secret, the Web site doesn't play it up, either.

eHarmony increasingly is seeking out secular audiences through online partnerships, including promotions on usatoday.com and other news sites owned by USA Today's parent company, Gannett. As part of that effort, Warren is trying to distance himself from Focus on the Family and its founder James Dobson, a longtime friend.

Warren says he will no longer appear on Dobson's radio show, and he recently bought back the rights to the three books Focus on the Family published -- "Finding the Love of Your Life," "Make Anger Your Ally" and "Learning to Live With the Love of Your Life" -- so he can drop Focus' name from their covers.

"We're trying to reach the whole world -- people of all spiritual orientations, all political philosophies, all racial backgrounds," Warren says. "And if indeed we have Focus on the Family on the top of our books, it is a killer. Because people do recognize them as occupying a very precise political position in this society and a very precise spiritual position."

Says Andrea Orr, author of "Meeting, Mating and Cheating: Sex, Love, and the New World of Online Dating," "He has this evangelical Christian background, but I know plenty of Jews who use the site, and I don't really see the evangelical Christian background coming through.

"I see a strong sense of morals and a sort of conservatism. But I don't find it very much in-your-face at all. It's more sort of this grandfatherly moral thing."

While other leading dating sites allow users to find their own matches by searching through online ads, eHarmony has people fill out a 436-question test designed to evoke thoughtful and revealing responses. eHarmony then sends potential matches, encouraging people to get acquainted before they even see each other's photos.

"We do try to give people what they need, rather than just what they want," Warren says.

"There's a way in which, a little paternalistically, we say we have discovered, on the basis of our research, what is required to make a marriage great. And we're going to help with that. Our way."

Most dating sites have various payment systems; usually they lure daters in with something free, such as personal ads, and then charge when daters want to start communicating with matches.

Of the leading dating sites, eHarmony is the most expensive, starting at $49.95 a month. Match begins at $29.99, Yahoo at $19.95. Spark Network's largest site, American Singles, starts at $34.95.

But at least 7.5 million people have registered to take eHarmony's test, which is free. Users must pay to get contact information for matches. The site, which is privately held, does not disclose the number of paying members.

"You tend to meet more marriage-minded people there," Orr says. Still, "online dating is a little bit of a crapshoot, no matter which site you use. I've talked to people who've used eHarmony who were matched with people who really didn't do the questionnaire very thoughtfully."

But others swear by it.

Maura Lockwood, 29, of Plattsburgh, N.Y., says she followed up on only one match from eHarmony, and he turned out to be the one. She was matched with Joe Alix, 30, on July 19, 2003. By the time they met in person two months later, they had spoken and e-mailed so much that "I knew I loved him before I met him," she says.

Their wedding is planned for Aug. 20. Warren suggests couples wait two years to tie the knot.

Not everyone agrees with his advice. Warren recommends against premarital sex because it can "cloud decisions." Lockwood moved in with her fiance right after Thanksgiving.

Some also criticize eHarmony's decision to refuse to provide matches for gays and lesbians -- a policy that differs from Yahoo, Match.com and many other sites.

"From a corporate perspective, eHarmony does discriminate. There's clearly a deliberate desire to exclude gay people from the site," says New York psychiatrist Jack Drescher, who is gay and treats gay and lesbian couples.

But Warren says eHarmony promotes heterosexual marriage, about which he has done extensive research. He says he does not know enough about gay and lesbian relationships to do same-sex matching.

It "calls for some very careful thinking. Very careful research." He adds that same-sex marriage is illegal in most states. "We don't really want to participate in something that's illegal."

Lesbians and gays are not the only ones unwelcome on eHarmony; Warren says he rejects 16 percent of those who take his patented personality test because they're poor marriage prospects.

Weed-outs include people under eHarmony's 21-year-old age limit and those whom the site decides are lying on the test. It also removes those believed to have certain types of emotional instability, such as "obstreperousness" (they just can't be pleased) and depression, because "depression is pretty highly correlated with emotional problems," Warren says.

"You'd like to have as healthy people as you can. We get some people who are pretty unhealthy. And if you could filter them out, it would be great. We try hard. And it's very costly."

But eHarmony does not reject on the basis of religion; it has atheists, agnostics and even Wiccans among customers, he says.

Warren says he's not lukewarm about his own faith.

"I am a passionate believer," he says, sitting in the quiet eHarmony headquarters, his former therapy office, lined with bookshelves holding "The Joy of Sex," volumes of Freud and everything in between.

But he says his religious beliefs are grounded in humanism and psychology, and he often intertwines the two. "I think there is something very incredible about Jesus. I don't back away from that. At the same time ... the public we want to serve is the world.

"You can say that is just a good business idea, because it increases the size of your market. But it's also for me a philosophical point: I think our world will be a lot better world if we can help people of all types get married well."

Matchmaker of Maine, make me a match

Tom Rochester once heard a great analogy for why people need the service he offers.

"You need plumbing work done, you go to a plumber," he said, recounting what a former client once told him. "You're looking for the right person, you go to a matchmaker."

Sounds pretty obvious, doesn't it? But most singles don't consider a dating service to be an option for them. There's been a kind of "Fiddler on the Roof," Yente stigma (remember, "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match/Find me a find/Catch me a catch"?) or the perception that matchmaking is something only practiced by orthodox religions.

Not so, according to Rochester, a Rockport native who runs the Portland-based Matchmaker of Maine along with his wife, Noreen, who is from Old Orchard Beach. As reservations and taboos about Internet dating are being broken, so are those about matchmaking.

The Rochesters opened their doors five years ago. They have a Web site, www.thematchmakerofmaine.com.

"It's been around forever, but I think people are really coming back to it now," Tom Rochester said recently. "People are discovering that it's for everyone."

The Rochesters claim a 90 percent success rate, but that depends on what one considers success. Some of the clients they've hooked up are in steady relationships, others are married. In fact, the couple received invitations to six weddings in one month last summer.

The Rochesters got into matchmaking after making major job changes. Noreen was working in the court system and Tom was a youth and family counselor. Noreen had always loved to set people up and was so well-known for her matchmaking abilities that she was often approached by strangers who had heard of her, so they decided to go into business.

The Rochesters met, by the way, through mutual friends.

The matchmaking process starts with a free, in-depth interview that can last up to two hours. In that time, Tom and Noreen determine what kind of person their client is looking for, and what kind of people would be interested in the client.

Once the Rochesters find a potential match, they contact both parties and proceed if there's a mutual interest. They'll even go to the initial meeting to help break the ice.

The cost ranges from $275 for an introductory membership to up to $575 for a year of unlimited introductions.

Yes, it sounds pricey compared to Internet dating services, like the ever-popular www.match.com. Match.com can cost $30 per month or $77.94 for a six-month subscription.

But with the Rochesters' service, you get a face-to-face meeting with a matchmaker who can read a client's personality and get to know what they're looking for. They also host singles events that are included in their fee.

Plus, the matchmakers do all the weeding-out for you. With online dating services, you're sent a long list of people who share certain traits with you, like how many pets you have and whether you're "spiritual but not religious" but mostly just share a ZIP code. There's not much there about whether you're outgoing and seeking someone who's the same, or you want someone who's ambitious or more laid back.

"Noreen and I are both good with people," Tom said of the benefits of the personal interview. "We get a good sense of what someone is looking for."

And the Rochesters perform background checks that take away a lot of the uncertainty of the Internet. The top complaint I hear from friends who have tried Internet dating is that people tend to lie on their profiles, and there's no way to tell if their "match" is maybe married, or has done prison time, or really has the job he or she says they have.

"A lot of attention has been paid to the whole field lately," Tom said. "I think because of the Internet people have been less intimidated to go to a dating service and are more willing to do this. But we also see a lot of people who are totally burned out on the Internet."

Based on some of the prices quoted in a recent Christian Science Monitor story, the Rochesters are a downright bargain. Some matchmakers charge $1,000 for their services, while celebrity matchmaker Samantha Daniels, who was the basis for the TV show "Miss Match" starring Alicia Silverstone, charges $10,000, according to the article.

Tom Rochester said their main client base is singles in their 40s, with 30 being the young end of the age group and 60 being the high end. About 50 percent of their clients are divorced, most have advanced education degrees and the majority are successful in their careers but aren't interested in the bar scene.

Most of Matchmaker of Maine's clients are based in southern Maine, although the Rochesters have met clients from Bangor and Bar Harbor. They're thinking of opening an office in Portsmouth, N.H., and have been thinking about another outpost in Maine, possibly Bangor, in addition to the Portland office.

If you go, don't expect to find anything close to "Fiddler's" Yente.

"There still is a stigma about going to a dating service," Tom Rochester said. "But this is an effective, personal way to meet someone."

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net.

Dating service eHarmony has a Christian twist

By JANET KORNBLUM
USA TODAY
May 20 2005

PASADENA, Calif. - You've no doubt seen Neil Clark Warren on TV commercials: He's the affable, silver-haired gentleman touting eHarmony, the rapidly growing online dating site he founded five years ago. Or maybe you caught ''Saturday Night Live'' or Jay Leno spoofing his earnest manner and ''29 dimensions of compatibility.''

''He's like the grandpa who wants to set you up,'' says Nate Elliott, an online media analyst with Jupiter Research.

Warren, 70, really is a grandpa. Born on an Iowa farm, he's quick with a down-home hug and a smile. His pale blue eyes grow misty when he speaks of his love for his wife of 46 years, Marylyn, the senior vice president at eHarmony.

And he really does want to set you up - but only if you're emotionally healthy, heterosexual and want to get married.

A psychologist with a divinity degree, Warren has emerged from the Christian community - three of his 10 books on love and dating were published by conservative Focus on the Family - to become one of the Internet's most unlikely entrepreneurs.

His secular matchmaking service has grown into the fourth-largest dating site on the Web, behind Match.com, Yahoo and Spark Networks, according to Internet measurement company comScore Media Metrix. Later this summer, he plans to announce an online service aimed at assessing and improving marriages.

Warren started out marketing primarily to Christian sites, touting eHarmony as ''based on the Christian principles of Focus on the Family author Dr. Neil Clark Warren.''

The connection may come as a surprise to today's mainstream users: Nothing in Warren's TV or radio ads ($50 million spent last year, $80 million projected this year) hints at his Christian background.

And while it's no secret, the Web site doesn't play it up, either.

EHarmony increasingly is seeking out secular audiences through online partnerships, including promotions on USATODAY.com and other news sites owned by Gannett. (The Jackson Sun is a Gannett newspaper.) As part of that effort, Warren is trying to distance himself from Focus on the Family and its founder James Dobson, a longtime friend.

Warren says he will no longer appear on Dobson's radio show, and he recently bought back the rights to the three books Focus on the Family published - ''Finding the Love of Your Life,'' ''Make Anger Your Ally'' and ''Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life '' - so he can drop Focus' name from their covers.

''We're trying to reach the whole world - people of all spiritual orientations, all political philosophies, all racial backgrounds,'' Warren says. ''And if indeed, we have Focus on the Family on the top of our books, it is a killer. Because people do recognize them as occupying a very precise political position in this society and a very precise spiritual position.''

Says Andrea Orr, author of ''Meeting, Mating, and Cheating: Sex, Love, and the New World of Online Dating,'' ''He has this evangelical Christian background, but I know plenty of Jews who use the site, and I don't really see the evangelical Christian background coming through.

''I see a strong sense of morals and a sort of conservatism. But I don't find it very much in-your-face at all. It's more sort of this grandfatherly moral thing.''

While other leading dating sites allow users to find their own matches by searching through online ads, eHarmony has people fill out a 436-question test designed to evoke thoughtful and revealing responses. eHarmony then sends potential matches, encouraging people to get acquainted before they even see each other's photos.

''We do try to give people what they need, rather than just what they want,'' Warren says.

''There's a way in which, a little paternalistically, we say we have discovered, on the basis of our research, what is required to make a marriage great. And we're going to help with that. Our way.''

Most dating sites have various payment systems; usually they lure daters in with something free, such as personal ads, and then charge when daters want to start communicating with matches.

Of the leading dating sites, eHarmony is the most expensive, starting at $49.95 a month. Match begins at $29.99, Yahoo at $19.95. Spark Network's largest site, American Singles, starts at $34.95.

But at least 7.5 million people have registered to take eHarmony's test, which is free. Users must pay to get contact information for matches. The site, which is privately held, does not disclose the number of paying members.

''You tend to meet more marriage-minded people there,'' Orr says. Still, '''online dating is a little bit of a crapshoot, no matter which site you use. I've talked to people who've used eHarmony who were matched with people who really didn't do the questionnaire very thoughtfully.''

But others swear by it.

Maura Lockwood, 29, of Plattsburgh, N.Y., says she followed up on only one match from eHarmony, and he turned out to be the one. She was matched with Joe Alix, 30, on July 19, 2003. By the time they met in person two months later, they had spoken and e-mailed so much that ''I knew I loved him before I met him,'' she says.

Their wedding is planned for Aug. 20. Warren suggests couples wait two years to tie the knot.

Not everyone agrees with his advice. Warren recommends against premarital sex because it can ''cloud decisions.'' Lockwood moved in with her fiance right after Thanksgiving.

Some also criticize eHarmony's decision to refuse to provide matches for gays and lesbians - a policy that differs from Yahoo, Match.com and many other sites.

''From a corporate perspective, eHarmony does discriminate. There's clearly a deliberate desire to exclude gay people from the site,'' says New York psychiatrist Jack Drescher, who is gay and treats gay and lesbian couples.

But Warren says eHarmony promotes heterosexual marriage, about which he has done extensive research. He says he does not know enough about gay and lesbian relationships to do same-sex matching.

It ''calls for some very careful thinking. Very careful research.'' He adds that same-sex marriage is illegal in most states. ''We don't really want to participate in something that's illegal.''

Lesbians and gays are not the only ones unwelcome on eHarmony; Warren says he rejects 16 percent of those who take his patented personality test because they're poor marriage prospects.

Other weed-outs include people under eHarmony's 21-year-old age limit and those whom the site decides are lying on the test. It also removes those believed to have certain types of emotional instability, such as ''obstreperousness''' (they just can't be pleased) and depression, because ''depression is pretty highly correlated with emotional problems,'' Warren says.

''You'd like to have as healthy people as you can. We get some people who are pretty unhealthy. And if you could filter them out, it would be great. We try hard. And it's very costly.''

But eHarmony does not reject on the basis of religion; it has atheists, agnostics and even Wiccans among customers, he says.

Warren says he's not lukewarm about his own faith.

''I am a passionate believer,'' he says, sitting in the quiet eHarmony headquarters, his former therapy office, lined with bookshelves holding ''The Joy of Sex,'' volumes of Freud and everything in between.

But he says his religious beliefs are grounded in humanism and psychology, and he often intertwines the two. ''I think there is something very incredible about Jesus. I don't back away from that. At the same time ... the public we want to serve is the world.

''You can say that that is just a good business idea, because it increases the size of your market. But it's also for me a philosophical point: I think our world will be a lot better world if we can help people of all types get married well.''

Neil Clark Warren

Born: Sept. 18, 1934

Family: Wife of 46 years, Marylyn Mann; three married daughters (son-in-law Gregory Forgatch is CEO of eHarmony); nine grandchildren

Education: Bachelor's in social sciences, Pepperdine University, 1956; master's in divinity, Princeton Theological Seminary, 1959; doctorate in psychology, University of Chicago, 1967

Career: Assistant professor (1967) and dean (1975-1982), Fuller Theological Seminary's Graduate School of Psychology; author of nine books; psychologist in private practice, 1967-2000; launched eHarmony Aug. 22, 2000

Testing for 29 key traits on eHarmony

Matches on eHarmony are based on '29 areas of compatibility' developed by founder Neil Clark Warren.

A marriage will likely thrive if couples share at least 10 of these key personality traits and habits, from curiosity and industriousness to ambition, traditionalism and feelings about children, Warren says.

His favorite dimension is adaptability, which he says is crucial for the survival of a long-term relationship. For instance, Warren says his wife, Marylyn, became much more liberal late in life, and he became an Internet entrepreneur. But he says they're adaptable, so he's rethinking some of his positions and she came to work for eHarmony. The test is designed to reveal traits in ways users may not always recognize, Warren says. The system is proprietary; he will not reveal exactly how the 29 dimensions are used to match people.

eHarmony: Heart and soul

By Janet Kornblum, USA TODAY

PASADENA, Calif. — You've no doubt seen Neil Clark Warren on TV commercials: He's the affable, silver-haired gentleman touting eHarmony, the rapidly growing online dating site he founded five years ago. Or maybe you caught Saturday Night Live or Jay Leno spoofing his earnest manner and "29 dimensions of compatibility."

"He's like the grandpa who wants to set you up," says Nate Elliott, an online media analyst with Jupiter Research.

Warren, 70, really is a grandpa. Born on an Iowa farm, he's quick with a down-home hug and a smile. His pale blue eyes grow misty when he speaks of his love for his wife of 46 years, Marylyn, the senior vice president at eHarmony.

And he really does want to set you up — but only if you're emotionally healthy, heterosexual and want to get married.

A psychologist with a divinity degree, Warren has emerged from the Christian community — three of his 10 books on love and dating were published by conservative Focus on the Family — to become one of the Internet's most unlikely entrepreneurs.

His secular matchmaking service has grown into the fourth-largest dating site on the Web, behind Match.com, Yahoo and Spark Networks, according to Internet measurement company comScore Media Metrix. Later this summer he plans to announce an online service aimed at assessing and improving marriages.

Warren started out marketing primarily to Christian sites, touting eHarmony as "based on the Christian principles of Focus on the Family author Dr. Neil Clark Warren."

The connection may come as a surprise to today's mainstream users: Nothing in Warren's TV or radio ads ($50 million spent last year, $80 million projected this year) hints at his Christian background.

And while it's no secret, the Web site doesn't play it up, either.

eHarmony increasingly is seeking out secular audiences through online partnerships, including promotions on USATODAY.com and other news sites owned by USA TODAY's parent company, Gannett. As part of that effort, Warren is trying to distance himself from Focus on the Family and its founder James Dobson, a longtime friend.

Warren says he will no longer appear on Dobson's radio show, and he recently bought back the rights to the three books Focus on the Family published —Finding the Love of Your Life, Make Anger Your Ally and Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life - so he can drop Focus' name from their covers.

"We're trying to reach the whole world — people of all spiritual orientations, all political philosophies, all racial backgrounds," Warren says. "And if indeed, we have Focus on the Family on the top of our books, it is a killer. Because people do recognize them as occupying a very precise political position in this society and a very precise spiritual position."

Says Andrea Orr, author of Meeting, Mating, and Cheating: Sex, Love, and the New World of Online Dating, "He has this evangelical Christian background, but I know plenty of Jews who use the site, and I don't really see the evangelical Christian background coming through.

"I see a strong sense of morals and a sort of conservatism. But I don't find it very much in-your-face at all. It's more sort of this grandfatherly moral thing."

While other leading dating sites allow users to find their own matches by searching through online ads, eHarmony has people fill out a 436-question test designed to evoke thoughtful and revealing responses. eHarmony then sends potential matches, encouraging people to get acquainted before they even see each other's photos.

"We do try to give people what they need, rather than just what they want," Warren says.

"There's a way in which, a little paternalistically, we say we have discovered, on the basis of our research, what is required to make a marriage great. And we're going to help with that. Our way."

Most dating sites have various payment systems; usually they lure daters in with something free, such as personal ads, and then charge when daters want to start communicating with matches.

Of the leading dating sites, eHarmony is the most expensive, starting at $49.95 a month. Match begins at $29.99, Yahoo at $19.95. Spark Network's largest site, American Singles, starts at $34.95.

But at least 7.5 million people have registered to take eHarmony's test, which is free. Users must pay to get contact information for matches. The site, which is privately held, does not disclose the number of paying members.

"You tend to meet more marriage-minded people there," Orr says. Still, "online dating is a little bit of a crapshoot, no matter which site you use. I've talked to people who've used eHarmony who were matched with people who really didn't do the questionnaire very thoughtfully."

But others swear by it.

Maura Lockwood, 29, of Plattsburgh, N.Y., says she followed up on only one match from eHarmony, and he turned out to be the one. She was matched with Joe Alix, 30, on July 19, 2003. By the time they met in person two months later, they had spoken and e-mailed so much that "I knew I loved him before I met him," she says.

Their wedding is planned for Aug. 20. Warren suggests couples wait two years to tie the knot.

Not everyone agrees with his advice. Warren recommends against premarital sex because it can "cloud decisions." Lockwood moved in with her fiancé right after Thanksgiving.

Some also criticize eHarmony's decision to refuse to provide matches for gays and lesbians — a policy that differs from Yahoo, Match.com and many other sites.

"From a corporate perspective, eHarmony does discriminate. There's clearly a deliberate desire to exclude gay people from the site," says New York psychiatrist Jack Drescher, who is gay and treats gay and lesbian couples.

But Warren says eHarmony promotes heterosexual marriage, about which he has done extensive research. He says he does not know enough about gay and lesbian relationships to do same-sex matching.

It "calls for some very careful thinking. Very careful research." He adds that same-sex marriage is illegal in most states. "We don't really want to participate in something that's illegal."

Lesbians and gays are not the only ones unwelcome on eHarmony; Warren says he rejects 16% of those who take his patented personality test because they're poor marriage prospects.

Weed-outs include people under eHarmony's 21-year-old age limit and those whom the site decides are lying on the test. It also removes those believed to have certain types of emotional instability, such as "obstreperousness" (they just can't be pleased) and depression, because "depression is pretty highly correlated with emotional problems," Warren says.

"You'd like to have as healthy people as you can. We get some people who are pretty unhealthy. And if you could filter them out, it would be great. We try hard. And it's very costly."

But eHarmony does not reject on the basis of religion; it has atheists, agnostics and even Wiccans among customers, he says.

Warren says he's not lukewarm about his own faith.

"I am a passionate believer," he says, sitting in the quiet eHarmony headquarters, his former therapy office, lined with bookshelves holding The Joy of Sex, volumes of Freud and everything in between.

But he says his religious beliefs are grounded in humanism and psychology, and he often intertwines the two. "I think there is something very incredible about Jesus. I don't back away from that. At the same time ... the public we want to serve is the world.

"You can say that that is just a good business idea, because it increases the size of your market. But it's also for me a philosophical point: I think our world will be a lot better world if we can help people of all types get married well."

A loss for words? Entrepreneur has a proposal

By Marsha Brown
Special to the Star-Telegram

FORT WORTH - When Bobby Deen Jr. met Belinda Davis, he knew that she was no ordinary woman. When he was ready to propose, he wanted something more than the usual.

Searching for precisely the right way to pop the question, Deen called in a specialist.

"I wanted to do something ... different," he said. "I wanted to propose in a way that would go beyond the restaurant-and-roses routine."

Enter Michael Bloomberg, not the mayor of New York but the president of An Exclusive Engagement, an event planning company.

After weighing several scenarios, Deen chose a balconied suite at the Renaissance Worthington Hotel, a limo and a bouquet of daisies, including a red one in the center with a ring attached by a ribbon.

"She was totally surprised," he said. "It was perfect."

Davis said yes, closing another deal for Bloomberg and his startup business for bachelors who need a clue.

Weddings in America have become a $50 billion-a-year industry -- from invitations to honeymoon -- according to U.S.A. Bridal Awards, a company that tracks the industry. Bloomberg, 37, just wants his share of the market.

After all, behind every great wedding, there's a great proposal.

Bloomberg -- a bachelor who has never proposed to anyone -- offers a variety of options, from simply mapping out the battle plan (for which he charges a flat fee) to completely arranging the occasion.

The client can do the legwork, or, for an hourly rate, Bloomberg handles everything: ordering flowers, making reservations, hiring musicians, chartering planes, providing parachutes.

"My target market is made up mostly of busy professionals," he said. "Most want us to take care of all the arrangements because they either don't have the time or they want to make sure that even the smallest detail is seen to."

That matches Deen's case. He heads up his own home theater company, devoting much of his time and creative energy to his work. And he is enamored of Bloomberg's expertise.

"He's very creative, very well-suited to this business," Deen said. "A real people person."

Bloomberg, a Fort Worth native, earned a bachelor of arts in communication from the University of Texas at Arlington with a minor in psychology. He earned a master's degree from Texas Christian University. After school, he took a series of jobs with small companies, mostly working in accounting and financial troubleshooting.

He got into the love business when a friend asked for help setting the stage to propose to his girlfriend. What others might have thought an imposition, Bloomberg found a pleasure.

"In my circle of friends, I've always been the guy everybody would come to for relationship advice," he said.

Bloomberg spent the next six years writing a plan for his business and launched it at the beginning of the year.

"Not a day went by that I didn't think about how I would love to do this for a living," he said.

An Exclusive Engagement specializes in tailored proposals, from ultra-romantic to daring or even funny. If a client wants to propose in a hot-air balloon over a catered lunch and a bouquet of freesias, greeted by a barbershop quartet singing Stairway to Heaven upon descent, it will take some time and money, but it's within Bloomberg's capabilities.

His real challenge is to find the perfect scenario for the specific couple.

It's probably not a good idea to take an introverted prospective bride to Texas Stadium during a sold-out game and blast the question on the Jumbotron in front of 65,000 people, he said.

Confidentiality is another important factor, and one that Bloomberg promises. In other words, in most cases the bride-to-be will never know that her future husband was, well, in need of help.

Bloomberg spends much of his time talking over concepts with friends. He has gathered a select group of women to mull ideas. He calls them the "chick tank."

The idea for women advisers may have started when, even before he took his first college psychology course, he started coaching his sister through the choppy waters of first dates.

He's still her best source of relationship tips, Mindy Bloomberg said.

"I go to Mike for advice because I know he is going to be brutally honest," she said. "He tells me the truth rather than what I want to hear."

Since launching the service, Bloomberg has expanded with a "Date of the Month" club to offer his thoughts on one good date a month. So far, all of his clients have been men.

Bloomberg says that a television network has called about a reality series based on the business. And he is developing a column for an online dating service, Premier Singles, to be called "The Men's Room."

It will be a place of camaraderie for men and a source of knowledge for women, said Andrea O'Brien, a spokeswoman for Premier Singles. Anything from metrosexuals to groomsmen are up for discussion.

"We're hoping 'The Men's Room' reaches out to the men on our site and gives them something to relate to," O'Brien said. "The online dating industry has a history of reaching out to the women first -- now men have something to run to."

For now, Bloomberg likens his service to that of a personal trainer, hired to help achieve physical goals. But emotional goals are important, as well.

"A great proposal is like a great heirloom," he said. "It's a story that's passed down from generation to generation."

Psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman Unveils Free Marital Success Test Online

Aiming to improve marital success, Psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman unveiled today a free online Personality Compatibility Test. The resulting 16-page printout provides a unique way of revealing one's personality strengths, what Leman calls "the foundational interpersonal context for lasting, fulfilling relationships."

Leman gained national attention with his first best-selling title, "The Birth Order Book." Since then he has authored over 25 books on practical approaches for building lasting relationships. Leman's books, biography, and speaking calendar can be found at http://www.drleman.com.

If you follow Leman's advice, asking a date his or her birth order before allowing "chemistry" to take over may be the most important part of the courting process. Why? Because the same issues and conflicts that cause sibling rivalry in early life will lead to marital success or failure as adults. Leman says, "Don't bet your life (quite literally) on a storm of physical attraction. Every giddy couple is sure the bliss will never end, but about 50% of the time it does end, leaving both parties (and often the children and extended families as well) in an emotional wreck that continues for a lifetime."

Leman's free Compatibility Test (coupled with his online dating site MatchWise.com) has as its main goal the prevention of marital mistakes through the psychology of birth order. Well-documented evidence suggests that birth order influences the way we relate to others throughout our lives - especially how we relate to the opposite sex. "Once these characteristics are revealed, anyone can see how his or her personality strengths and patterns can lead to the best choice for a lasting lifetime relationship," says Leman.

"We'll show you that the best marital match isn't with someone just like you," says Leman. "If each of you is too similar in personality and conflict skills, you're likely to have more difficulty, not less. For an 'ideal' match, you'll want some things in common; but deep in your in personality and underlying motivations (both being rooted in birth order) the best matches are complete opposites!"

The free compatibility test and free registration to the MatchWise service can be found at http://www.matchwise.com. Leman named the website "Matchwise.com," desiring the powerful matching tools and teaching he provides therein to lead Christian singles to a wise marital match, one that will last a lifetime.

LA Times article about Christian dating

Dating service branches out from evangelical roots

By David Colker / Los Angeles Times

Neil Clark Warren, founder of the online dating site eHarmony.com Inc., does matchmaking by the numbers.

Subscribers fill in 436 answers on a questionnaire. The company's computers then use a secret formula to match people using what Warren calls the 29 "dimensions" of a successful relationship, a system based on his decades of experience as a psychologist.

Although the site plays matchmaker without human intervention, it's a personal ingredient -- Warren himself, known to millions for his folksy pitches on television commercials -- driving the business.

In person, as on the air, Warren, 70, comes across as warm and encouraging. His ebullient persona has become so well known that it has been parodied by a wig-wearing Jay Leno.

"At eHarmony.com," Warren says in an ad that has become a cable-TV staple, "we only match you with other singles who are compatible with you in all the areas that matter most in life."

But as eHarmony becomes better known, Warren has had to tread a careful line: He has strong ties to evangelicals, who were overwhelmingly responsible for the early success of eHarmony.

While maintaining that base, Warren now must ensure the service appeals to people of all religious persuasions.

EHarmony also faces more-mundane challenges: Although it attracted 2.7 million visitors in March, according to ComScore Media Metrix, the site lags far behind bigger, better-known sites such as Yahoo Inc.'s Yahoo Personals, which drew 5.9 million visitors, and IAC/InterActiveCorp's Match.com, with 4 million.

Warren views it all with boundless optimism.

"We have a chance to change the world," Warren said recently as he took a break from filming a commercial. "Never before in history has a psychologist had the chance to engage so many people."

Then why not reveal his secret formula for the benefit of all? "I'm also a businessman," Warren said after a moment. "All my life I wanted to be an entrepreneur."

Warren grew up in Ivy, Iowa, a town so small it no longer appears on the map, having been absorbed into the suburbs of Des Moines. His father, who had ambitions to be a preacher, ended up owning several businesses, including a car dealership.

Warren married his Pepperdine University sweetheart in 1959, and Marylyn Warren is now head of public relations at eHarmony. They have three grown daughters.

Warren received a divinity degree at Princeton Theological Seminary in 1959 and his doctorate in psychology at the University of Chicago in 1967, while working for a short period as a pastor.

He began his private therapy practice in Pasadena, Calif., and taught at Fuller Theological Seminary -- which serves the evangelical community -- where he was dean of the graduate school of psychology from 1975 to 1982.

Frustrated, he said, by stagnation in academia and by seeing the same marital problems in his clients time and time again, he began writing self-help books, starting with "Make Anger Your Ally" in 1983.

He traveled the United States to give lectures and workshops, mostly in church settings. More books followed, and in 1993 he hit the jackpot for authors: an appearance on "Oprah."

He also made several appearances on evangelical broadcaster James Dobson's radio program, "Focus on the Family," in the 1980s. Warren eventually made a deal for his books to be distributed under the "Focus on the Family" banner.

By the time eHarmony debuted in 2000, Match.com and Yahoo Personals were already online with services that allowed visitors to post profiles and optional photos, and browse through all others posted in search of casual dates or more serious matches. EHarmony distinguished itself by catering only to people who were serious about finding a mate -- and willing to pay for the extra service. While its larger competitors charge users up to $30 a month, eHarmony charges as much as $50, depending on discounts.

Unlike its competitors, the Pasadena-based company does not permit browsing. EHarmony evaluates the questionnaires, makes matches based on personality similarities and other factors and then sends the matches to subscribers for their review.

The subscribers can then choose whether they want to open online dialogues.

"EHarmony walked into a vacuum and created a brand that catered to serious daters," said Nate Elliot of Jupiter Research. "They did a great job of differentiating themselves."

And in grabbing the attention of venture capital firms.

Last year, eHarmony received the largest single venture capital investment doled out to any company -- $110 million.

Now eHarmony faces competition in the niche it created.

Yahoo, for example, in November introduced Yahoo Premier, a service that offers a more comprehensive personality assessment and suggested matches for an additional monthly fee.

While eHarmony is cagey about how it makes matches, it makes clear that one factor doesn't enter into the process: physical type.

But this leads to criticism. "Most people have a particular physical type they do or do not like," said Andrea Sandvig, 52, a legal assistant in New York. A widow, she describes herself as "size 16 and quite fit."

After joining earlier this year, Sandvig was matched to about 15 men on eHarmony. But after her picture went up on the site, she heard nothing from them.

"It was a little hurtful," said Sandvig, who had found two long-term relationships on other sites. "But mostly it was a waste of my time and money."

Yahoo Premier allows for searches based on members' self-described body types and other physical attributes. And it does not limit browsing.

"People want to be empowered, not to be just a passive recipient," said Lorna Borenstein, a Yahoo executive in charge of the company's new venture. She said the goal of the Premier questionnaire, taken online in a video-game-like format, is for users to get a better idea of who they are looking for as a partner.

With an eye on the threat of competition, Warren is full of plans for expansion. He said eHarmony would launch an online marriage analysis service -- featuring exercises aimed at strengthening relationships -- by the end of the year.

One area into which they don't plan to expand is matchmaking for gay men or lesbians. "I don't know how to do these matches, the research has not been done," Warren said. Yahoo and Match.com do accept homosexual subscribers.

EHarmony also rules out people who have been married more than twice, because, Warren said, statistics show their future marriages are likely to end in divorce. They also do not accept people who are, judging from their questionnaire answers, severely depressed.

Warren does believe the company must continue to broaden its base beyond the Christian world that gave it early support. EHarmony still gets e-mail from people who feel unwelcome because they believe the site is primarily for Christians.

Warren said the site is open to people of all religions, or no religion at all, but he acknowledges that his long association with Dobson -- a fellow psychologist who is active in promoting conservative Christian political causes -- could be a liability.

Warren is negotiating to buy back publishing rights to his books from Dobson's organization, Focus on the Family.

"He wasn't political when I knew him," Warren said, picking up his own most popular book, "Finding the Love of Your Life."

Across the top of the cover was a prominent banner for "Focus on the Family."

Warren pointed at it: "That's a killer to us."

Go to article here.

The future of social networking?

mates

Sounding Out the Singles Set

Sounding Out the Singles Set

Neil Clark Warren, founder of the online dating site EHarmony.com Inc., does matchmaking by the numbers.

Subscribers fill in 436 answers on a questionnaire. The company's computers then use a secret formula to match people using what Warren calls the 29 "dimensions" of a successful relationship, a system based on his decades of experience as a psychologist.

Although the site plays matchmaker without human intervention, it's a personal ingredient — Warren himself, known to millions for his folksy pitches on television commercials — driving the business.

In person, as on the air, Warren, 70, comes across as warm and encouraging. His ebullient persona has become so well known that it has been parodied by a wig-wearing Jay Leno.

"At EHarmony.com," Warren says in an ad that has become a cable-TV staple, "we only match you with other singles who are compatible with you in all the areas that matter most in life."

But as EHarmony becomes better known, Warren has had to tread a careful line: He has strong ties to evangelicals, who were overwhelming responsible for the early success of EHarmony.

While maintaining that base, Warren now must ensure the service appeals to people of all religious persuasions.

EHarmony also faces more-mundane challenges: Although it attracted 2.7 million visitors in March, according to ComScore Media Metrix, the site lags far behind bigger, better-known sites such as Yahoo Inc.'s Yahoo Personals, which drew 5.9 million visitors, and IAC/InterActiveCorp's Match.com, with 4 million.

Warren views it all with boundless optimism.

"We have a chance to change the world," said Warren as he took a break from filming a recent commercial. "Never before in history has a psychologist had the chance to engage so many people."

Then why not reveal his secret formula for the benefit of all? "I'm also a businessman," Warren said after a moment. "All my life I wanted to be an entrepreneur."

Warren grew up in Ivy, Iowa, a town so small it no longer appears on the map, having been absorbed into the suburbs of Des Moines. His father, who had ambitions to be a preacher, ended up owning several businesses, including a car dealership.

Warren married his Pepperdine University sweetheart in 1959 and Marylyn Warren is now head of public relations at EHarmony. They have three grown daughters.

Warren took a divinity degree at Princeton Theological Seminary in 1959 and his doctorate in psychology at the University of Chicago in 1967, while working for a short period as a pastor.

He began his private therapy practice in Pasadena and taught at Fuller Theological Seminary — which serves the evangelical community — where he was dean of the graduate school of psychology from 1975 to 1982.

Frustrated, he said, by stagnation in academia and by seeing the same marital problems in his clients, time and time again, he began writing self-help books, starting with "Make Anger Your Ally" in 1983.

He traveled the country to give lectures and workshops, mostly in church settings. More books followed, and in 1993 he hit the jackpot for authors: an appearance on "Oprah."

He also made several appearances on evangelical broadcaster James Dobson's radio program, "Focus on the Family," in the 1980s. Warren eventually made a deal for his books to be distributed under the "Focus on the Family" banner.

Warren tried a few entrepreneurial ventures — including organizing a group investment in an oil-drilling venture that failed and another in a credit card business that he would describe only as "embarrassing."

"Finally, my wife said, 'Why don't you try something you know?' " Warren said.

He envisioned a mail-order matchmaking service. But in 1997, Warren and business partners met with investor and former MasterCard International Chief Executive Alex "Pete" Hart, who told them he would help them if they put the service on the Internet.

"I left there saying, 'No way,' " Warren said. "To me, the Internet was almost all men. And it was sleazy."

But Hart, who later invested in the company, convinced Warren that online was the only way to reach people in enough numbers to make the venture succeed.

By the time EHarmony debuted in 2000, Match.com and Yahoo Personals were already online with services that allowed visitors to post profiles and optional photos, and browse through all others posted in search of casual dates or more-serious matches. EHarmony distinguished itself by catering only to people who were serious about finding a mate — and willing to pay for the extra service. While its larger competitors charge users up to $30 a month, EHarmony charges as much as $50, depending on discounts.

Unlike its competitors, the Pasadena-based company does not permit browsing. EHarmony evaluates the questionnaires, makes matches based on personality similarities and other factors and then sends the matches to subscribers for their review.

The subscribers can then choose whether or not they want to open online dialogues.

"EHarmony walked into a vacuum and created a brand that catered to serious daters," said Nate Elliot of Jupiter Research. "They did a great job of differentiating themselves."

And in grabbing the attention of venture capital firms.

Last year, EHarmony got the largest single VC investment doled out to any company — $110 million.

Now EHarmony faces competition in the niche it created.

Yahoo, for example, in November introduced Yahoo Premier, a service that offers a more comprehensive personality assessment and suggested matches for an additional monthly fee.

EHarmony also must contend, along with its competitors, with a slowdown in growth in the online dating business. Industry revenue grew 19% in 2004 to $473 million, according to Jupiter Research, but the analysts predict that growth will slow to 9% this year.

Warren said that EHarmony subscription levels were growing faster than the industry norm, although — like Yahoo — he declined to provide hard figures. EHarmony, which is privately held, also declines to disclose its revenue or profit.

---

Helping Warren to sell EHarmony are dozens of satisfied customers highlighted in TV spots.

Among those appearing recently for the taping of a promotional video were Rebecca and Thom Skinner from the St. Louis area. They both signed on to EHarmony in 2001.

"He was my first match," Rebecca Skinner, 29, said of her now-husband. "As we talked, it became clear how similar our interests were, our goals."

While EHarmony is cagey about how it makes matches, it makes clear that one factor doesn't enter into the process: physical type.

But this leads to criticism. "Most people have a particular physical type they do or do not like," said Andrea Sandvig, 52, a legal assistant in New York. A widow, she describes herself as "size 16 and quite fit."

After joining earlier this year, Sandvig was matched to about 15 men on EHarmony. But after her picture went up on the site, she heard nothing from them.

"It was a little hurtful," said Sandvig, who had found two long-term relationships on other sites. "But mostly it was a waste of my time and money."

Yahoo Premier allows for searches based on members' self-described body types and other physical attributes. And it does not limit browsing.

"People want to be empowered, not to be just a passive recipient," said Lorna Borenstein, a Yahoo executive in charge of the company's new venture. She said the goal of the Premier questionnaire, taken online in a video-game-like format, is for users to get a better idea of who they are looking for as a partner.

With an eye on the threat of competition, Warren is full of plans for expansion. He said EHarmony would launch an online marriage analysis service — complete with exercises aimed at strengthening the relationship — by the end of the year.

One area into which they don't plan to expand is matchmaking for gay men or lesbians. "I don't know how to do these matches, the research has not been done," Warren said. Yahoo and Match.com do accept homosexual subscribers.

EHarmony also rules out people who have been married more than twice because, Warren said, statistics show their future marriages also are likely to end in divorce. They also do not accept people who are, judging from their questionnaire answers, severely depressed.

Warren does believe the company must continue to broaden its base beyond the Christian world that gave it early support. EHarmony still gets e-mail from people who feel unwelcome because they believe the site is primarily for Christians.

Warren said the site is open to people of all religions, or no religion at all, but he acknowledges that his long association with Dobson — a fellow psychologist who is active in promoting conservative Christian political causes — could be a liability.

Warren is negotiating to buy back publishing rights to his books from Dobson's organization, Focus on the Family.

"He wasn't political when I knew him," Warren said, picking up his own most popular book, "Finding the Love of Your Life."

Across the top of the cover was a prominent banner for "Focus on the Family."

Warren pointed at it: "That's a killer to us."

Glenwood Springs Post Independent - Arts and Entertainment

Glenwood Springs Post Independent - Arts and Entertainment

The single professional from Parachute is joining more than a quarter of all U.S. singles who use online dating services to find love, according to Nielsen/NetRatings. Wolchek is not hesitant to seek help from eHarmony.com, which relationship expert Dr. Neil Clark Warren founded in 2000.

"They really ask probing questions that require a lot of thought," said Wolchek, who has lived in the valley for six years. "It requires a lot of thought and time."

For Wolchek, who will be 40 this summer, the online relationship service is more desirable than meeting her future husband at a smoke-filled bar.

"When you go to a bar, a lot of times places are polluted with cigarette smoke," she said. "And men tend to lack in manners when they start drinking. They forget their manners."

A former resident of Denver, Wolchek said living in a mountain town can be challenging in the search for love - or just a night out with other single men and women.

"I used to be a member of a singles group in Denver with my church and we would do things as a group, which is safe," she said. "Even just going to a movie with people my age can be hard."

Wolchek said she prefers eHarmony.com because she is a Christian looking for someone with similar values, and the site is dedicated to helping couples develop serious, long-term relationships.

"My No. 1 priority is finding someone who is on the same page as me spiritually," said Wolchek, who has never been married. "I'm also looking for someone who is into music ministry and art. And someone with a smile that makes me weak in the knees."

Of course Wolchek knows that finding a compatible match online requires more than similar religious beliefs and a pretty face. Like eHarmony, the online dating service true.com uses personality and psychological testing to link couples.

"If done correctly, compatibility testing is the key to finding long-lasting relationships, as it helps significantly narrow down the playing field to only well-suited individuals," said Dr. Jim Houran, chief psychologist at True. "What's frightening is that millions of online daters could be using compatibility tests that are seriously flawed or without scientific merit."

Because of the anonymous nature of online dating, a major issue of this growing trend is safety. Wolchek said she believes online daters should use "extreme caution because there are a lot of sick people out there."

"Just use wisdom and discernment," Wolchek said. "I would rather be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong reasons."

To stress the danger of married individuals acting as singles online, True includes the following notice on its Web site:

"If you are married and posing as single, be aware that you could be guilty of fraud and subject to civil and criminal penalties under federal and state law. For each offense, Title 18, Section 1343 of the U.S. Code authorizes fines of up to $250,000 and jail sentences of up to five years ... If you are married, please close your browser."

Although safety and fraud can be concerns for some, they have not had an impact on cyberspace dating. Internet market research firm Jupiter Communications Inc. reports that consumers spent $313 million on U.S.-based dating Web sites in 2003 and forecasts that rate will more than double to $642 million by 2008.



Contact April E. Clark: 945-8515, ext. 518

aclark@postindependent.com